September 11th, 2013

Just a note to say I will update with info about my appointment a couple days ago in NYC when I'm able to type it all out. For now, though, I wanted to share a poem I wrote while we were in the city yesterday. I thought of the first 2 lines in a moment where I was frustrated of all the waiting we have to do in this Lyme war, and then once I thought those lines (not initially intending for a poem to be born) I knew I had to whip out my journal and write, write write. It should be noted that I do not think all doctors are bad--I have had several good doctors throughout my life--not was this directed at any particular doctor--it was just a culmination of the frustration I was feeling that we've all felt while waiting to get our lives back

I am a patient

I am a patient
but I am not patient.
I was patient far too long--
patience never worked to my benefit--
because I am a patient.

I am a patient
who is sick and tired of
being told I'm not sick and tired
when half the reason I'm sick and tired
is because I was patient.

I am a patient
who has been exhaustively quiet,
accepting your words because you wear a white coat
and have letters after your name
and speak loud words in a big voice.

I am a patient
who is not sitting by any longer,
waiting and wishing you'll have an answer.
That would be patient--
but I am not patient.

I am a patient
with rights, an opinion, and the ability
to think for myself and know how I feel.
You have the knowledge but I have experience
because I am a patient.

I am a patient--
a persevering patient--
who will not stop searching
until the right answer is found and course marked--
maybe then I'll be patient.

Because after that happens, I won't be a patient.