One subject that’s been on my mind a lot lately is uncertainty. More specifically, uncertainty as it relates to Lyme and the Lyme cycle and the smattering of new symptoms and old symptoms that seem to have no rhyme nor reason other than they are part of Lyme and that allows them, by nature, to do whatever the heck they want.
But uncertainty. I am a person who, for my entire life, has despised any situation where there is a lack of order. I like to plan things, I like to know exactly what is going to happen before it happens, and I like to be able to be prepared. (The one exception is Christmas, meaning I HATE ruining Christmas gifts, etc., because opening surprise gifts is where the fun lies as far as the gifts go.) To anyone who knows me, the revelation that I need order will not be a shock. I just think things are nicer when they’re in a pretty, logical order and organized and neat.
However I’ve learned over the years (the past 7 months in particular) that uncertainty is something I have to accept as part of my life right now. Lyme is a jerk of a disease and it seems to revel in throwing things my way that I am not prepared for. For instance: the full moon last week really had all of my symptoms in hyperdrive. I then had a decent day after the full moon had passed and I thought I was in the clear for a bit, and the past 3 days have been filled with absolutely unbelievable pain/fatigue/nausea/GI symptoms that have left me unable to get off the couch or even unable to really use my computer at all (except for right now).
I mention all that not to complain, but just to emphasize how I was feeling like after the full moon passed I was going to have a few good days and then I have been absolutely flattened by the Lyme bacteria mob. Which is where learning to accept uncertainty comes into play. No, I didn’t plan to be completely floored for the past few days, but it’s the reality and there’s no use complaining about it because it’s not going to change. I’ve found one of the most important and useful things to do when something pops up out of nowhere is to try my best to find a way I can capitalize on the uncertainty and flip the cards so it doesn’t set me back any further, mentally or emotionally. Like find a new show on Netflix or use the time I am able to tolerate my phone screen to look up the best detox methods for [symptoms X and Y]. Or just have a conversation with my husband that is not about Lyme or anything related to Lyme. Or if unable to do anything listed above, just going over one of my favorite praise choruses in my head over and over to help calm my mind and bring peace.
Lyme causes you to find ways to make the uncertainty into a positive experience and really helps you figure out how to prioritize the time you do feel well enough to do things you used to be able to do. And as strange as it sounds, I’m actually thankful for this–for the opportunity (even if it’s been forced on me) to really figure out ways to live my life in a way that is not overwhelmingly filled with negativity and a way that doesn’t require me being constantly attached to the technological world.
Thank you, God, for allowing me these blessings in whatever form they come.
And thanks, readers, for sticking with me. God bless.